The Neurotic Intimate: Notes from Class
What is God trying to tell me today? Hell if I know. But I'll keep listening.
I donāt know why, but in the middle of my religion and philosophy class, God put it in my heart to put this in writing today.
So, for the past month or so, my religion and philosophy class (that I will not name out of concern for my anonymity) has been discussing Sigmund Freud and his dream analysis methodology. Weāre supposed to being discussing it throughout the end of March, and I thought that was the M.O. for todayā¦
But I was wrong.
Iāll preface this by saying that, as we all know, even Stevie Wonder and Ray Charles can see that I am one of the biggest hopeless romantics to grace this platform. Love is - and has always been - one of the most important yet elusive things in my life, and itās something that I find myself tinkering with and picking apart and putting back together in my mind on a regular basis. Getting out of my first-ever (short lived) relationship a few months ago has only compounded this. I have since been praying to God for peace - specifically, for freedom from this āobsessionā (for lack of a better word), and to do a better job of living in the present while simultaneously being open to new people, new opportunities, and new blessings from God.
I then walk into my class today, fully expecting to speak more about Freudās method for dream analysis and interpretation. But what do we talk about today instead, out of nowhere, fully excluded from our syllabus?
LOVE.
Yes, really.
Our first assignment on coming into class today? Write about how we define love, then speak about it with our surrounding classmates. The next topic of discussion? āHow can love go wrong?ā
Some highlights from our discussion for question number one, āwhat is love?ā
āLove is patient, love is kindā¦ā - 1 Corinthians 13:4-8 (see above)
āLove your neighbor as you love yourself.ā - Leviticus 19:18
Love is self-sacrifice
Love is different from ābeing āin loveāā
Love is kind, gentle, and tolerant (one of my personal favorites from an unlikely source, a football player jock)
Love is expressed through time and effort
Love is the āneurotic intimateā (soundbite from my professor)
Love can be romantic, platonic, familial, and an agape type reserved for the incomprehensibleā¦but love itself is somewhat incomprehensible as well, isnāt it?
Next are some group musings from question 2, āWhy is it/can it be hard to love?ā
Anxious, avoidant, and disorganized (combo of the first two) attachment styles that can hinder lasting, genuine connections
People can often seek out love for the wrong reasons (side eyeing myself hereā¦loneliness is a mf)
People arenāt ready to give up their āindependenceā or āautonomyā to be part of a unit or partnership
The social media conceptualization of relationships; i.e., āIf he wanted to he wouldā philosophy, āsoft launchingā your partner, the fact that many people (subconsciously, even) seek out relationships days for the social prestige it carries rather than solely for the sake of the relationship itself
Good stuff, right? Itās like my professor peered into my dreams for class today (but, really, I know it was God).
We also reflected on the messiness of love, and how that can actually be a beautiful thing. Why? Because as we change, love changes. Especially as we move on from old lovers to new ones; as the stakes in love change depending on what stage of life weāre in - especially considering the variables of marriage, children, families, etc. We pondered if the ābest relationshipsā are prone to messiness, as well as what even defines the ābestā versus the āworstā types of relationships. Hell if I know.
I wonder why, after I had just prayed about the peace with this entire topic because of how much it has damn near tortured my soul, this is the first thing that hits my ears upon going to class the next day. Throughout my period of reconnection with God, one thing Iāve never been able to answer is why God does the things he does, and why it can often seem like the things we come into contact with were ājust on timeā. I know that this is one of those times, but I canāt quite put my finger on what it is exactly God wants me to understand. Maybeā¦maybe thereās nothing for me to understand or soak in today, at least not on such a profound level. Maybe God is telling me to just keep listening and to come along for the ride and to soak it all inā¦for now, at least.
Iāll leave you with a quote shared by one of my new friends :)
āThe Neurotic Intimateā, interesting. Iāll have to look into that, as well as āsoft-launchingā, Iām unfamiliar with the term. Loved the quote at the end, maybe that day was God planting a seed of understanding that will be needed later on instead of something profound that youāre meant to know now š¤